| I went to the theatre at the weekend to watch | | | | sets of visual, auditory or kinaesthetic |
| a stage version of a favourite film of mine. | | | | words. The set used most by any individual is |
| The film is called 'East is East' and is | | | | referred to as their primary system.Let me |
| nothing short of hilarious throughout. The | | | | give you an example of the kind of words I am |
| stage show is wonderful too.The idea behind | | | | talking about here;Examples of Visual words |
| the film is about a mixed race family where | | | | are; see, look, flash, glare, shiny, |
| the strict father from Pakistan has raised | | | | brilliant, view, bright, picture, fade, ray |
| his children with his northern English wife | | | | etc.Examples of Auditory words are; hear, |
| in a working class environment. The father | | | | sound, whisper, noise, quiet, listen, |
| expects his sons to agree to an arranged | | | | dissonant, song, thunder etc.Examples of |
| marriage and is infuriated when they do not | | | | Kinaesthetic words are; feel, touch, grasp, |
| want to do so. I shall not go on in too much | | | | tickle, hold, pressure, weigh, strike, |
| depth about it, but if you get the chance to | | | | painful etc.A way to find out yours or a |
| see it, you will laugh out loud at times.The | | | | friends lead system is to talk for two |
| things that make me laugh about it so much is | | | | minutes on a topic that you like and then for |
| the way in which language is used. There is a | | | | another two minutes about a topic you do not |
| very specific language that incorporates many | | | | like, do it with a friend or record yourself |
| factors that is used by the father; the way | | | | and then note down all the words you used and |
| he talks envelopes a northern English accent, | | | | put them into categories to note the main |
| Pakistani mannerisms and traits and a | | | | system that is used. It is good practice to |
| wonderful working class profanity that is the | | | | look for what you use most and those that are |
| hallmark of this brilliantly written | | | | used in conversations you have all the time |
| script.However, I still find myself finding | | | | with other people. This way you will heighten |
| the way the father communicates verbally to | | | | your own sensory acuity and sharpen your |
| be very aggressive and direct; his language | | | | ability to spot those used by others more and |
| is hilarious, but it is never going to win | | | | more easily.So the next stage of rapport |
| him many friends upon an initial meeting!It | | | | development is to then begin to match the |
| got me thinking about how to use language to | | | | words used by those that you wish to gain |
| build and develop rapport with other people | | | | with rapport wit in much the same way that we |
| and using your language to enhance | | | | matched the non-verbal communication before. |
| relationships with people right from the | | | | Develop a more appropriately frequent use of |
| start.I am not going to write about the | | | | their primary system; punctuate your |
| content of your language; the subject matter | | | | sentences with those types of words.What you |
| is not what I want to highlight today. I want | | | | are doing here is stepping into their map of |
| to highlight how to be aware of how others | | | | the world and demonstrating unconsciously |
| use language. Then you can very cleverly | | | | that you are listening and valuing what they |
| reflect their style of language back to them | | | | say and how they say it.Once you have |
| in your own communication to build rapport | | | | sufficiently matched and developed the |
| beautifully.Think about noticing and | | | | primary system for developing rapport more |
| considering the words people are using. We | | | | easily, you can start doing some other things |
| all use words every day to communicate with | | | | to develop rapport with language.One thing to |
| those around us in our daily lives. Just take | | | | do with your language is to demonstrate that |
| a moment now to think of some of the | | | | you are aware of their on-going reality. The |
| occasions where you failed to get the result | | | | most effective way to do this is stack |
| you wanted by using the wrong words, or where | | | | truisms together. Let me explain that. By |
| you could have got a better result if the | | | | truism, I am referring to making a casual |
| words had been more suited to the person you | | | | statement in a sentence that is true about |
| were talking to.Each individual can only get | | | | the person that you are communicating with. |
| information by seeing sights, hearing sounds, | | | | For example; You are reading this article, |
| touching, smelling, tasting or having someone | | | | you are breathing and you have yours eyes |
| else describe it. Any experience, memory or | | | | open. Now these are rather crudely obvious.I |
| processing of information has to be done | | | | entered a restaurant a little while ago and |
| through one or more of these six | | | | the staff were very pressured and busy. As we |
| channels:Visual (sights); Auditory (sounds); | | | | entered I said to the lady that greeted us |
| Kinaesthetic (physical feelings); Olfactory | | | | "Hello there, I spoke to you earlier and |
| (odours); Gustatory (tastes); and digital | | | | booked a table in the name of Eason, I see |
| (words). So, if you are eating a meal in a | | | | you are very busy tonight, but I can tell |
| restaurant, you might see the food and the | | | | that you are coping very well by the way |
| variance of colours on the table and other | | | | everyone on that table you just served is |
| people around you; hear the clinking of their | | | | smiling." Here, I stated 3 truisms, when you |
| cutlery on the plates; smell the various | | | | state three truisms, the other person will |
| aromas of the foods as they are served up; | | | | unconsciously process this as recognition |
| taste the flavours of the food that is eaten; | | | | that you sincerely see things from their |
| be aware of conversations around you in the | | | | perspective. We got some fantastic service |
| room.Each experience or memory in our minds | | | | that night I can tell you, and it was all |
| may include some or all of these elements. We | | | | founded on making that immediate rapport |
| each tend to have a pattern of which element | | | | connection. I could have been an awkward |
| we use the most or which we use first. We can | | | | customer from then on, but the waitress would |
| only consciously use one element at a time, | | | | still have enjoyed serving us as we had |
| so we can easily notice which gets primary | | | | perfect rapport from the beginning.Then you |
| usage by anyone that we come into contact | | | | can think about how you can develop rapport |
| with. The patterns that we use the most then | | | | by stating truisms (statements that cannot be |
| tend to show up with more frequency than | | | | disputed or argued with) about their |
| others in our use of language. The markers | | | | experience in that moment. Notice and employ |
| are the descriptive words that I am going to | | | | these very simple basic strategies and notice |
| highlight in a moment. Most people show a | | | | how rapport begins to happen much more |
| clear preference for one of the three main | | | | easily. |