| I went to the theatre at the weekend to watch a | | | | one of the three main sets of visual, auditory or |
| stage version of a favourite film of mine. The film is | | | | kinaesthetic words. The set used most by any |
| called 'East is East' and is nothing short of hilarious | | | | individual is referred to as their primary system.Let me |
| throughout. The stage show is wonderful too.The idea | | | | give you an example of the kind of words I am talking |
| behind the film is about a mixed race family where the | | | | about here;Examples of Visual words are; see, look, |
| strict father from Pakistan has raised his children with | | | | flash, glare, shiny, brilliant, view, bright, picture, fade, ray |
| his northern English wife in a working class | | | | etc.Examples of Auditory words are; hear, sound, |
| environment. The father expects his sons to agree to | | | | whisper, noise, quiet, listen, dissonant, song, thunder |
| an arranged marriage and is infuriated when they do | | | | etc.Examples of Kinaesthetic words are; feel, touch, |
| not want to do so. I shall not go on in too much depth | | | | grasp, tickle, hold, pressure, weigh, strike, painful etc.A |
| about it, but if you get the chance to see it, you will | | | | way to find out yours or a friends lead system is to |
| laugh out loud at times.The things that make me laugh | | | | talk for two minutes on a topic that you like and then |
| about it so much is the way in which language is used. | | | | for another two minutes about a topic you do not like, |
| There is a very specific language that incorporates | | | | do it with a friend or record yourself and then note |
| many factors that is used by the father; the way he | | | | down all the words you used and put them into |
| talks envelopes a northern English accent, Pakistani | | | | categories to note the main system that is used. It is |
| mannerisms and traits and a wonderful working class | | | | good practice to look for what you use most and |
| profanity that is the hallmark of this brilliantly written | | | | those that are used in conversations you have all the |
| script.However, I still find myself finding the way the | | | | time with other people. This way you will heighten your |
| father communicates verbally to be very aggressive | | | | own sensory acuity and sharpen your ability to spot |
| and direct; his language is hilarious, but it is never going | | | | those used by others more and more easily.So the |
| to win him many friends upon an initial meeting!It got | | | | next stage of rapport development is to then begin to |
| me thinking about how to use language to build and | | | | match the words used by those that you wish to gain |
| develop rapport with other people and using your | | | | with rapport wit in much the same way that we |
| language to enhance relationships with people right | | | | matched the non-verbal communication before. |
| from the start.I am not going to write about the content | | | | Develop a more appropriately frequent use of their |
| of your language; the subject matter is not what I | | | | primary system; punctuate your sentences with those |
| want to highlight today. I want to highlight how to be | | | | types of words.What you are doing here is stepping |
| aware of how others use language. Then you can | | | | into their map of the world and demonstrating |
| very cleverly reflect their style of language back to | | | | unconsciously that you are listening and valuing what |
| them in your own communication to build rapport | | | | they say and how they say it.Once you have |
| beautifully.Think about noticing and considering the | | | | sufficiently matched and developed the primary |
| words people are using. We all use words every day | | | | system for developing rapport more easily, you can |
| to communicate with those around us in our daily lives. | | | | start doing some other things to develop rapport with |
| Just take a moment now to think of some of the | | | | language.One thing to do with your language is to |
| occasions where you failed to get the result you | | | | demonstrate that you are aware of their on-going |
| wanted by using the wrong words, or where you | | | | reality. The most effective way to do this is stack |
| could have got a better result if the words had been | | | | truisms together. Let me explain that. By truism, I am |
| more suited to the person you were talking to.Each | | | | referring to making a casual statement in a sentence |
| individual can only get information by seeing sights, | | | | that is true about the person that you are |
| hearing sounds, touching, smelling, tasting or having | | | | communicating with. For example; You are reading this |
| someone else describe it. Any experience, memory or | | | | article, you are breathing and you have yours eyes |
| processing of information has to be done through one | | | | open. Now these are rather crudely obvious.I entered a |
| or more of these six channels:Visual (sights); Auditory | | | | restaurant a little while ago and the staff were very |
| (sounds); Kinaesthetic (physical feelings); Olfactory | | | | pressured and busy. As we entered I said to the lady |
| (odours); Gustatory (tastes); and digital (words). So, if | | | | that greeted us "Hello there, I spoke to you earlier and |
| you are eating a meal in a restaurant, you might see | | | | booked a table in the name of Eason, I see you are |
| the food and the variance of colours on the table and | | | | very busy tonight, but I can tell that you are coping |
| other people around you; hear the clinking of their | | | | very well by the way everyone on that table you just |
| cutlery on the plates; smell the various aromas of the | | | | served is smiling." Here, I stated 3 truisms, when you |
| foods as they are served up; taste the flavours of the | | | | state three truisms, the other person will unconsciously |
| food that is eaten; be aware of conversations around | | | | process this as recognition that you sincerely see |
| you in the room.Each experience or memory in our | | | | things from their perspective. We got some fantastic |
| minds may include some or all of these elements. We | | | | service that night I can tell you, and it was all founded |
| each tend to have a pattern of which element we use | | | | on making that immediate rapport connection. I could |
| the most or which we use first. We can only | | | | have been an awkward customer from then on, but |
| consciously use one element at a time, so we can | | | | the waitress would still have enjoyed serving us as we |
| easily notice which gets primary usage by anyone that | | | | had perfect rapport from the beginning.Then you can |
| we come into contact with. The patterns that we use | | | | think about how you can develop rapport by stating |
| the most then tend to show up with more frequency | | | | truisms (statements that cannot be disputed or argued |
| than others in our use of language. The markers are | | | | with) about their experience in that moment. Notice and |
| the descriptive words that I am going to highlight in a | | | | employ these very simple basic strategies and notice |
| moment. Most people show a clear preference for | | | | how rapport begins to happen much more easily. |