| There's nothing like getting divorced to kick up a whole | | | | "fear" require a different response. Speaking your |
| new dimension of fear. Will I be alright? Will my children | | | | fears out loud or writing them down will help give you |
| grow up emotionally scarred from my relationship | | | | some perspective on the type of fear you're |
| breakdown? Will I be able to cope financially? Am I | | | | experiencing. |
| doomed to be single? What if my next relationship | | | | Just Do It. |
| tanks too? Underlying these questions is fear. | | | | No matter how hard you try, you cannot "think" your |
| Some of this fear is primal and wired into your | | | | way through fear. Fear dissipates once you start to |
| neurological system. Fear is supposed to have you | | | | take action. Identify the smallest, bite-sized baby step |
| pause and make sure there aren't any Saber-toothed | | | | you could take and simply start with that. Even the |
| tigers lurking around. A lot of fear is simply old | | | | smallest action will give you new perspectives and |
| programming you inherited growing up. I don't think | | | | insight on how to get what you want and generate |
| many of us had parents who encouraged us to "Go | | | | some momentum to move through your fears. |
| out and take some risks today, honey!" More often the | | | | Watch your Language. |
| messages we had growing up were to "be careful!" or | | | | Our parents were definitely on to something with this |
| "watch out!" | | | | warning! Even our choice of words we use can subtly |
| When you're in the transition from one phase to | | | | keep us stuck as a powerless victim of our fears. |
| another, your mind feverishly tries to assess and | | | | When we get fearful and want to resist change, we'll |
| analyze that future state before you've actually | | | | often say "I can't" do it. Why not be honest about it |
| experienced it. I've broken down the word "FEAR" into | | | | and say "I won't" do it? The statement "I can't" sends |
| the following acronym: "Feeling Expansion And | | | | the subconscious message that you're weak or a |
| Resisting." When you take on new challenges, you | | | | victim of your circumstance. The phrase "I won't" |
| push the envelope of your comfort zone and expand. | | | | leaves room for you to take responsibility for your |
| Creating a new life for yourself as a divorced person | | | | actions and determining your outcome. Instead of |
| is definitely such a challenge! Fear is like a warning | | | | labeling something as a "mistake," what if you called it |
| system that is triggered during that expansion and | | | | a "learning opportunity"? Watch your language and |
| causes you to pause, to re-assess whether you really | | | | choose words that leave you feeling energized and |
| want to leave familiar ground and venture into the | | | | empowered. |
| unknown. So how do we master your fears? | | | | Try it, you'll like it! |
| View fear as a positive sign that you're making | | | | When you feel in that place of indecision or fear about |
| progress. | | | | the next step to take, I recommend viewing your next |
| I now use my fear as a confirmation that I'm moving in | | | | move simply as an experiment. You can take that |
| the right direction and making progress. Rather than | | | | next baby step. If you don't like the results it produces |
| trying to squelch those feelings, what if you welcomed | | | | or how it feels, you can always go back to doing |
| fear as a sign you're moving ahead. If you're not | | | | things the way you used to. Why not at least give |
| experiencing some degree of fear, chances are you're | | | | yourself the experience first before you judge |
| not stretching too far out of your existing comfort | | | | yourself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. |
| zone. | | | | Expanding your Horizons. |
| Feeling uncomfortable with new things is normal. | | | | Did you know that coral in calm waters looks very |
| Whether it's going on your first date post-separation, | | | | different than coral in turbulent waters. If sheltered |
| your first weekend without the children or planning your | | | | from ocean currents and winds, the coral is small and |
| first "solo" vacation, the first time you do anything new | | | | colorless. On the turbulent side of the reef, the coral is |
| is going to feel awkward or uncomfortable. You're | | | | large and incredibly colorful. Choosing to act in spite of |
| building new neural pathways in your brain that will | | | | your fears, you open yourself up to life experiences |
| allow you to carry out that new task with ease. It | | | | that bring you wisdom, depth, levels of self-reliance and |
| takes time and repetition to build those pathways | | | | confidence that might not otherwise be possible. |
| successfully, so acknowledge yourself for being willing | | | | I invite you to embrace your fears and stop using them |
| to try something that feels uncomfortable for you. | | | | as the excuse for not giving yourself whatever it is |
| Identify the level of fear you're experiencing. | | | | you want in your life. To help you with that, here's a |
| It's useful to get more specific with the kind of fear | | | | prescription from Eleanor Roosevelt: "Do one thing |
| you're having. Are you afraid for your physical | | | | each day that scares you." After 30 days of following |
| well-being or are you simply afraid that you might | | | | this prescription, I have no doubt you'll be astonished at |
| make a mistake? These two very different levels of | | | | your results. |