| There's nothing like getting divorced to
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| | a mistake? These two very different
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| kick up a whole new dimension of fear.
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| | levels of "fear" require a different
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| Will I be alright? Will my children grow
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| | response. Speaking your fears out loud or
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| up emotionally scarred from my
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| | writing them down will help give you some
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| relationship breakdown? Will I be able to
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| | perspective on the type of fear you're
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| cope financially? Am I doomed to be
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| | experiencing.
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| single? What if my next relationship
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| | Just Do It.
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| tanks too? Underlying these questions is
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| | No matter how hard you try, you cannot
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| fear.
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| | "think" your way through fear. Fear
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| Some of this fear is primal and wired
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| | dissipates once you start to take action.
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| into your neurological system. Fear is
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| | Identify the smallest, bite-sized baby
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| supposed to have you pause and make sure
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| | step you could take and simply start with
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| there aren't any Saber-toothed tigers
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| | that. Even the smallest action will give
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| lurking around. A lot of fear is simply
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| | you new perspectives and insight on how
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| old programming you inherited growing up.
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| | to get what you want and generate some
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| I don't think many of us had parents who
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| | momentum to move through your fears.
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| encouraged us to "Go out and take some
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| | Watch your Language.
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| risks today, honey!" More often the
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| | Our parents were definitely on to
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| messages we had growing up were to "be
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| | something with this warning! Even our
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| careful!" or "watch out!"
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| | choice of words we use can subtly keep us
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| When you're in the transition from one
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| | stuck as a powerless victim of our fears.
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| phase to another, your mind feverishly
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| | When we get fearful and want to resist
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| tries to assess and analyze that future
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| | change, we'll often say "I can't" do it.
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| state before you've actually experienced
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| | Why not be honest about it and say "I
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| it. I've broken down the word "FEAR"
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| | won't" do it? The statement "I can't"
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| into the following acronym: "Feeling
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| | sends the subconscious message that
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| Expansion And Resisting." When you take
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| | you're weak or a victim of your
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| on new challenges, you push the envelope
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| | circumstance. The phrase "I won't" leaves
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| of your comfort zone and expand. Creating
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| | room for you to take responsibility for
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| a new life for yourself as a divorced
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| | your actions and determining your
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| person is definitely such a challenge!
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| | outcome. Instead of labeling something
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| Fear is like a warning system that is
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| | as a "mistake," what if you called it a
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| triggered during that expansion and
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| | "learning opportunity"? Watch your
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| causes you to pause, to re-assess whether
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| | language and choose words that leave you
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| you really want to leave familiar ground
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| | feeling energized and empowered.
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| and venture into the unknown. So how do
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| | Try it, you'll like it!
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| we master your fears?
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| | When you feel in that place of indecision
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| View fear as a positive sign that you're
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| | or fear about the next step to take, I
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| making progress.
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| | recommend viewing your next move simply
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| I now use my fear as a confirmation that
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| | as an experiment. You can take that next
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| I'm moving in the right direction and
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| | baby step. If you don't like the results
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| making progress. Rather than trying to
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| | it produces or how it feels, you can
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| squelch those feelings, what if you
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| | always go back to doing things the way
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| welcomed fear as a sign you're moving
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| | you used to. Why not at least give
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| ahead. If you're not experiencing some
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| | yourself the experience first before you
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| degree of fear, chances are you're not
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| | judge yourself. Nothing ventured,
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| stretching too far out of your existing
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| | nothing gained.
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| comfort zone.
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| | Expanding your Horizons.
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| Feeling uncomfortable with new things is
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| | Did you know that coral in calm waters
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| normal.
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| | looks very different than coral in
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| Whether it's going on your first date
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| | turbulent waters. If sheltered from ocean
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| post-separation, your first weekend
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| | currents and winds, the coral is small
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| without the children or planning your
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| | and colorless. On the turbulent side of
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| first "solo" vacation, the first time you
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| | the reef, the coral is large and
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| do anything new is going to feel awkward
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| | incredibly colorful. Choosing to act in
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| or uncomfortable. You're building new
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| | spite of your fears, you open yourself up
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| neural pathways in your brain that will
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| | to life experiences that bring you
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| allow you to carry out that new task with
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| | wisdom, depth, levels of self-reliance
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| ease. It takes time and repetition to
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| | and confidence that might not otherwise
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| build those pathways successfully, so
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| | be possible.
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| acknowledge yourself for being willing to
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| | I invite you to embrace your fears and
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| try something that feels uncomfortable
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| | stop using them as the excuse for not
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| for you.
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| | giving yourself whatever it is you want
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| Identify the level of fear you're
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| | in your life. To help you with that,
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| experiencing.
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| | here's a prescription from Eleanor
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| It's useful to get more specific with the
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| | Roosevelt: "Do one thing each day that
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| kind of fear you're having. Are you
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| | scares you." After 30 days of following
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| afraid for your physical well-being or
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| | this prescription, I have no doubt you'll
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| are you simply afraid that you might make
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| | be astonished at your results.
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