The ultimate resource for labels tapes and decals


Mastering Fear in Your Divorce

There's nothing like getting divorced to kickrequire a different response. Speaking your
up a whole new dimension of fear. Will I befears out loud or writing them down will help
alright? Will my children grow up emotionallygive you some perspective on the type of fear
scarred from my relationship breakdown? Willyou're  experiencing.
I be able to cope financially? Am I doomed to
be single? What if my next relationship tanksJust  Do  It.
too? Underlying  these  questions  is  fear.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot
Some of this fear is primal and wired into"think" your way through fear. Fear
your neurological system. Fear is supposed todissipates once you start to take action.
have you pause and make sure there aren't anyIdentify the smallest, bite-sized baby step
Saber-toothed tigers lurking around. A lot ofyou could take and simply start with that.
fear is simply old programming you inheritedEven the smallest action will give you new
growing up. I don't think many of us hadperspectives and insight on how to get what
parents who encouraged us to "Go out and takeyou want and generate some momentum to move
some risks today, honey!" More often thethrough  your  fears.
messages we had growing up were to "be
careful!"  or  "watch  out!"Watch  your  Language.
When you're in the transition from one phaseOur parents were definitely on to something
to another, your mind feverishly tries towith this warning! Even our choice of words
assess and analyze that future state beforewe use can subtly keep us stuck as a
you've actually experienced it. I've brokenpowerless victim of our fears. When we get
down the word "FEAR" into the followingfearful and want to resist change, we'll
acronym: "Feeling Expansion And Resisting."often say "I can't" do it. Why not be honest
When you take on new challenges, you push theabout it and say "I won't" do it? The
envelope of your comfort zone and expand.statement "I can't" sends the subconscious
Creating a new life for yourself as amessage that you're weak or a victim of your
divorced person is definitely such acircumstance. The phrase "I won't" leaves
challenge! Fear is like a warning system thatroom for you to take responsibility for your
is triggered during that expansion and causesactions and determining your outcome.
you to pause, to re-assess whether you reallyInstead of labeling something as a "mistake,"
want to leave familiar ground and venturewhat if you called it a "learning
into the unknown. So how do we master youropportunity"? Watch your language and choose
fears?words that leave you feeling energized and
empowered.
View fear as a positive sign that you're
making  progress.Try  it,  you'll  like  it!
I now use my fear as a confirmation that I'mWhen you feel in that place of indecision or
moving in the right direction and makingfear about the next step to take, I recommend
progress. Rather than trying to squelch thoseviewing your next move simply as an
feelings, what if you welcomed fear as a signexperiment. You can take that next baby step.
you're moving ahead. If you're notIf you don't like the results it produces or
experiencing some degree of fear, chances arehow it feels, you can always go back to doing
you're not stretching too far out of yourthings the way you used to. Why not at least
existing  comfort  zone.give yourself the experience first before you
judge yourself. Nothing ventured, nothing
Feeling uncomfortable with new things isgained.
normal.
Expanding  your  Horizons.
Whether it's going on your first date
post-separation, your first weekend withoutDid you know that coral in calm waters looks
the children or planning your first "solo"very different than coral in turbulent
vacation, the first time you do anything newwaters. If sheltered from ocean currents and
is going to feel awkward or uncomfortable.winds, the coral is small and colorless. On
You're building new neural pathways in yourthe turbulent side of the reef, the coral is
brain that will allow you to carry out thatlarge and incredibly colorful. Choosing to
new task with ease. It takes time andact in spite of your fears, you open yourself
repetition to build those pathwaysup to life experiences that bring you wisdom,
successfully, so acknowledge yourself fordepth, levels of self-reliance and confidence
being willing to try something that feelsthat  might  not  otherwise  be  possible.
uncomfortable  for  you.
I invite you to embrace your fears and stop
Identify the level of fear you'reusing them as the excuse for not giving
experiencing.yourself whatever it is you want in your
life. To help you with that, here's a
It's useful to get more specific with theprescription from Eleanor Roosevelt: "Do one
kind of fear you're having. Are you afraidthing each day that scares you." After 30
for your physical well-being or are youdays of following this prescription, I have
simply afraid that you might make a mistake?no doubt you'll be astonished at your
These two very different levels of "fear"results.



1 A B C D E F 94 95 96 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 119 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141