| There's nothing like getting divorced to kick | | | | require a different response. Speaking your |
| up a whole new dimension of fear. Will I be | | | | fears out loud or writing them down will help |
| alright? Will my children grow up emotionally | | | | give you some perspective on the type of fear |
| scarred from my relationship breakdown? Will | | | | you're experiencing. |
| I be able to cope financially? Am I doomed to | | | | |
| be single? What if my next relationship tanks | | | | Just Do It. |
| too? Underlying these questions is fear. | | | | |
| | | | No matter how hard you try, you cannot |
| Some of this fear is primal and wired into | | | | "think" your way through fear. Fear |
| your neurological system. Fear is supposed to | | | | dissipates once you start to take action. |
| have you pause and make sure there aren't any | | | | Identify the smallest, bite-sized baby step |
| Saber-toothed tigers lurking around. A lot of | | | | you could take and simply start with that. |
| fear is simply old programming you inherited | | | | Even the smallest action will give you new |
| growing up. I don't think many of us had | | | | perspectives and insight on how to get what |
| parents who encouraged us to "Go out and take | | | | you want and generate some momentum to move |
| some risks today, honey!" More often the | | | | through your fears. |
| messages we had growing up were to "be | | | | |
| careful!" or "watch out!" | | | | Watch your Language. |
| | | | |
| When you're in the transition from one phase | | | | Our parents were definitely on to something |
| to another, your mind feverishly tries to | | | | with this warning! Even our choice of words |
| assess and analyze that future state before | | | | we use can subtly keep us stuck as a |
| you've actually experienced it. I've broken | | | | powerless victim of our fears. When we get |
| down the word "FEAR" into the following | | | | fearful and want to resist change, we'll |
| acronym: "Feeling Expansion And Resisting." | | | | often say "I can't" do it. Why not be honest |
| When you take on new challenges, you push the | | | | about it and say "I won't" do it? The |
| envelope of your comfort zone and expand. | | | | statement "I can't" sends the subconscious |
| Creating a new life for yourself as a | | | | message that you're weak or a victim of your |
| divorced person is definitely such a | | | | circumstance. The phrase "I won't" leaves |
| challenge! Fear is like a warning system that | | | | room for you to take responsibility for your |
| is triggered during that expansion and causes | | | | actions and determining your outcome. |
| you to pause, to re-assess whether you really | | | | Instead of labeling something as a "mistake," |
| want to leave familiar ground and venture | | | | what if you called it a "learning |
| into the unknown. So how do we master your | | | | opportunity"? Watch your language and choose |
| fears? | | | | words that leave you feeling energized and |
| | | | empowered. |
| View fear as a positive sign that you're | | | | |
| making progress. | | | | Try it, you'll like it! |
| | | | |
| I now use my fear as a confirmation that I'm | | | | When you feel in that place of indecision or |
| moving in the right direction and making | | | | fear about the next step to take, I recommend |
| progress. Rather than trying to squelch those | | | | viewing your next move simply as an |
| feelings, what if you welcomed fear as a sign | | | | experiment. You can take that next baby step. |
| you're moving ahead. If you're not | | | | If you don't like the results it produces or |
| experiencing some degree of fear, chances are | | | | how it feels, you can always go back to doing |
| you're not stretching too far out of your | | | | things the way you used to. Why not at least |
| existing comfort zone. | | | | give yourself the experience first before you |
| | | | judge yourself. Nothing ventured, nothing |
| Feeling uncomfortable with new things is | | | | gained. |
| normal. | | | | |
| | | | Expanding your Horizons. |
| Whether it's going on your first date | | | | |
| post-separation, your first weekend without | | | | Did you know that coral in calm waters looks |
| the children or planning your first "solo" | | | | very different than coral in turbulent |
| vacation, the first time you do anything new | | | | waters. If sheltered from ocean currents and |
| is going to feel awkward or uncomfortable. | | | | winds, the coral is small and colorless. On |
| You're building new neural pathways in your | | | | the turbulent side of the reef, the coral is |
| brain that will allow you to carry out that | | | | large and incredibly colorful. Choosing to |
| new task with ease. It takes time and | | | | act in spite of your fears, you open yourself |
| repetition to build those pathways | | | | up to life experiences that bring you wisdom, |
| successfully, so acknowledge yourself for | | | | depth, levels of self-reliance and confidence |
| being willing to try something that feels | | | | that might not otherwise be possible. |
| uncomfortable for you. | | | | |
| | | | I invite you to embrace your fears and stop |
| Identify the level of fear you're | | | | using them as the excuse for not giving |
| experiencing. | | | | yourself whatever it is you want in your |
| | | | life. To help you with that, here's a |
| It's useful to get more specific with the | | | | prescription from Eleanor Roosevelt: "Do one |
| kind of fear you're having. Are you afraid | | | | thing each day that scares you." After 30 |
| for your physical well-being or are you | | | | days of following this prescription, I have |
| simply afraid that you might make a mistake? | | | | no doubt you'll be astonished at your |
| These two very different levels of "fear" | | | | results. |