| Everyone comes up against difficult people, | | | | 6) Keep in mind that "how you communicate |
| demanding situations, and disappointing | | | | with others has much to do with how people |
| circumstances in every area of life; work, | | | | respond to you". Difficult people are |
| marriage, and friendship. We can't avoid it. | | | | difficult because their desires are being met |
| But we can learn some few basic skills that | | | | through their difficult behavior. Difficult |
| can make working with them less stressful. | | | | people are often fully aware they are being |
| | | | difficult. They continue because there is a |
| Dealing with difficult people takes some | | | | reward in the end result. |
| understanding on our part and a willingness | | | | |
| to assume some risk as well. | | | | You have to analyze what you have been doing |
| | | | in the past that rewards or encourage the |
| It takes time to train difficult people that | | | | difficult person's behavior. Then, stop |
| their difficult behavior may work with | | | | rewarding them. |
| everyone else, but not with you. However, | | | | |
| with a few basic strategies and easy-to -use | | | | 7) Knowledge is power and it's to our |
| principles, your effort will be rewarded with | | | | advantage to develop and practice effective |
| better relationships, a reputation that says | | | | conflict management practices that facilitate |
| you are not easily aroused. | | | | discussion. Read related books, attend |
| | | | workshops, listen to tapes or CDs. Learn how |
| Keep in mind the following points: | | | | to establish an immediate rapport through a |
| | | | smile or eye contact. Develop as many skills |
| • The difficult people behavior is | | | | as you can. This way you gain credibility, |
| habitual and affects most people with whom | | | | and your efforts will soften those opposing |
| they come in contact. So "Do not take their | | | | you. Effective communication is critical. |
| behavior personally" | | | | |
| | | | 8) Build your self-confidence. Self-confident |
| • Anger is sometimes a valid response. | | | | people are not as concerned with what other |
| | | | people think about them. They will not |
| • Recognize that a criticism of your | | | | instinctively let the difficult person have |
| work is not a criticism of you, so don't let | | | | their way in hopes of being liked. |
| it damage your self-esteem. | | | | Additionally, people with high self-esteem |
| | | | are less likely to respond to the difficult |
| • It is useless to ask the difficult | | | | person by being a difficult person. |
| person to stop doing what they're doing | | | | |
| publicly, but you can employ more | | | | If the difficult person tries to verbally |
| confrontational tactics. | | | | bully you, just say, "I don't allow people to |
| | | | treat me this way." Then slowly and calmly |
| • Learn to take care of yourself as you | | | | walk away. So be confident and look your |
| don't want to get sucked into their | | | | bully in the eye. Don't forget to breathe |
| behaviors. | | | | (most people tend to forget to breathe when |
| | | | under stress). Speak in a calm and clear |
| • You can't change difficult people, | | | | voice while asserting yourself by naming the |
| but you can learn to deal with them. | | | | behavior you don't like and state what is |
| | | | expected instead. |
| The idea in dealing with difficult people is | | | | |
| to first look at your role in the situation | | | | Sometimes you may find yourself forced to |
| and then to try the following strategies: | | | | take unpredictable actions to get their |
| | | | attention: drop a book, stand up, firmly call |
| 1) When discussing problems with difficult | | | | them by name, and get them to sit down. Be |
| people, keep it short and direct. It | | | | ready for friendly overtures as soon as they |
| minimizes a stressful situation for both of | | | | view you as worthy of respect. |
| you. Don't argue with them as it's a waste of | | | | |
| time. When you do speak, be sure your tone is | | | | 9) If you can't see the problem from the |
| non-emotional and non-confrontational. | | | | difficult person's point of view, ask them. |
| | | | While this may not work with some, it's |
| 2) Generally speaking, it is good to practice | | | | usually a good idea in the case of closer |
| starting conversations that create goodwill. | | | | relationships. The trick is, in arguments, |
| Ask people about the things they like - | | | | you need to have patience with the other |
| family, hobbies, TV programs and work in | | | | person, and self-restraint with yourself. |
| general. This is a very good idea to disarm | | | | |
| them, get them talking and make them feel | | | | Some difficult people are experts at taking |
| more comfortable. | | | | potshots and making sneak attacks in subtle |
| | | | indirect ways. Respond to those snipers with |
| If you are dealing with silent people who | | | | a question like "Are you're making fun of |
| ignore you and seek safety by refusing to | | | | me?" Although a sniper usually replies to |
| respond, then there should be another | | | | such question with denial, but it will reduce |
| response. Silent people get away with not | | | | the chance for similar attacks in the future. |
| talking because most people are uncomfortable | | | | |
| with silence. Get them to talk by asking | | | | 10) Remain open to other people's opinions, |
| open-ended questions that can't be answered | | | | viewpoints, and ideas. Share yours, as well. |
| with just a yes or no, then wait at least one | | | | Find something to appreciate and comment on |
| full minute and don't try to fill the space | | | | in a clever way. Too often, we focus on what |
| with words to ease your own discomfort. | | | | people are doing wrong. Try to catch them |
| | | | doing something right and comment on it. It |
| 3) "Oftentimes, indirect language works | | | | makes people feel less under attack. |
| because it focuses on the work rather than | | | | |
| the person. Instead of saying, 'You need to | | | | Dealing with difficult people takes |
| get it to me,' you can say, "Reports must be | | | | persistence and practice, so don't get |
| prepared" That way, people are less likely to | | | | discouraged. Although these strategies won't |
| feel that they are under attack. | | | | change the difficult people, they will break |
| | | | their ability to interfere with your daily |
| 4) Learn to admit when you're wrong. Make | | | | activities. "Most important, you'll feel more |
| apologies to all you have harmed. It can be | | | | confident and you'll start to enjoy your |
| as simple as saying "I'm sorry for what I've | | | | life." |
| done", "I made a mistake", or "I could be | | | | |
| wrong". The more you do this, the easier it | | | | You are welcome to use my articles on your |
| becomes. | | | | website WITH the 'Author's Resource Box' |
| | | | below included. |
| 5) Confront problems professionally and with | | | | |
| confidence. As a matter of fact, when you get | | | | Eng. Muath Daraghmeh is the webmaster of the |
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