| Everyone comes up against difficult people, demanding | | | | 6) Keep in mind that "how you communicate with |
| situations, and disappointing circumstances in every | | | | others has much to do with how people respond to |
| area of life; work, marriage, and friendship. We can't | | | | you". Difficult people are difficult because their desires |
| avoid it. But we can learn some few basic skills that | | | | are being met through their difficult behavior. Difficult |
| can make working with them less stressful. | | | | people are often fully aware they are being difficult. |
| Dealing with difficult people takes some understanding | | | | They continue because there is a reward in the end |
| on our part and a willingness to assume some risk as | | | | result. |
| well. | | | | You have to analyze what you have been doing in the |
| It takes time to train difficult people that their difficult | | | | past that rewards or encourage the difficult person's |
| behavior may work with everyone else, but not with | | | | behavior. Then, stop rewarding them. |
| you. However, with a few basic strategies and | | | | 7) Knowledge is power and it's to our advantage to |
| easy-to -use principles, your effort will be rewarded | | | | develop and practice effective conflict management |
| with better relationships, a reputation that says you are | | | | practices that facilitate discussion. Read related books, |
| not easily aroused. | | | | attend workshops, listen to tapes or CDs. Learn how |
| Keep in mind the following points: | | | | to establish an immediate rapport through a smile or |
| • The difficult people behavior is habitual and | | | | eye contact. Develop as many skills as you can. This |
| affects most people with whom they come in contact. | | | | way you gain credibility, and your efforts will soften |
| So "Do not take their behavior personally" | | | | those opposing you. Effective communication is critical. |
| • Anger is sometimes a valid response. | | | | 8) Build your self-confidence. Self-confident people are |
| • Recognize that a criticism of your work is | | | | not as concerned with what other people think about |
| not a criticism of you, so don't let it damage your | | | | them. They will not instinctively let the difficult person |
| self-esteem. | | | | have their way in hopes of being liked. Additionally, |
| • It is useless to ask the difficult person to | | | | people with high self-esteem are less likely to respond |
| stop doing what they're doing publicly, but you can | | | | to the difficult person by being a difficult person. |
| employ more confrontational tactics. | | | | If the difficult person tries to verbally bully you, just say, |
| • Learn to take care of yourself as you don't | | | | "I don't allow people to treat me this way." Then slowly |
| want to get sucked into their behaviors. | | | | and calmly walk away. So be confident and look your |
| • You can't change difficult people, but you | | | | bully in the eye. Don't forget to breathe (most people |
| can learn to deal with them. | | | | tend to forget to breathe when under stress). Speak in |
| The idea in dealing with difficult people is to first look at | | | | a calm and clear voice while asserting yourself by |
| your role in the situation and then to try the following | | | | naming the behavior you don't like and state what is |
| strategies: | | | | expected instead. |
| 1) When discussing problems with difficult people, keep | | | | Sometimes you may find yourself forced to take |
| it short and direct. It minimizes a stressful situation for | | | | unpredictable actions to get their attention: drop a book, |
| both of you. Don't argue with them as it's a waste of | | | | stand up, firmly call them by name, and get them to sit |
| time. When you do speak, be sure your tone is | | | | down. Be ready for friendly overtures as soon as they |
| non-emotional and non-confrontational. | | | | view you as worthy of respect. |
| 2) Generally speaking, it is good to practice starting | | | | 9) If you can't see the problem from the difficult |
| conversations that create goodwill. Ask people about | | | | person's point of view, ask them. While this may not |
| the things they like - family, hobbies, TV programs and | | | | work with some, it's usually a good idea in the case of |
| work in general. This is a very good idea to disarm | | | | closer relationships. The trick is, in arguments, you need |
| them, get them talking and make them feel more | | | | to have patience with the other person, and |
| comfortable. | | | | self-restraint with yourself. |
| If you are dealing with silent people who ignore you | | | | Some difficult people are experts at taking potshots |
| and seek safety by refusing to respond, then there | | | | and making sneak attacks in subtle indirect ways. |
| should be another response. Silent people get away | | | | Respond to those snipers with a question like "Are |
| with not talking because most people are | | | | you're making fun of me?" Although a sniper usually |
| uncomfortable with silence. Get them to talk by asking | | | | replies to such question with denial, but it will reduce the |
| open-ended questions that can't be answered with just | | | | chance for similar attacks in the future. |
| a yes or no, then wait at least one full minute and don't | | | | 10) Remain open to other people's opinions, viewpoints, |
| try to fill the space with words to ease your own | | | | and ideas. Share yours, as well. Find something to |
| discomfort. | | | | appreciate and comment on in a clever way. Too |
| 3) "Oftentimes, indirect language works because it | | | | often, we focus on what people are doing wrong. Try |
| focuses on the work rather than the person. Instead of | | | | to catch them doing something right and comment on |
| saying, 'You need to get it to me,' you can say, | | | | it. It makes people feel less under attack. |
| "Reports must be prepared" That way, people are | | | | Dealing with difficult people takes persistence and |
| less likely to feel that they are under attack. | | | | practice, so don't get discouraged. Although these |
| 4) Learn to admit when you're wrong. Make apologies | | | | strategies won't change the difficult people, they will |
| to all you have harmed. It can be as simple as saying | | | | break their ability to interfere with your daily activities. |
| "I'm sorry for what I've done", "I made a mistake", or "I | | | | "Most important, you'll feel more confident and you'll |
| could be wrong". The more you do this, the easier it | | | | start to enjoy your life." |
| becomes. | | | | You are welcome to use my articles on your website |
| 5) Confront problems professionally and with | | | | WITH the 'Author's Resource Box' below included. |
| confidence. As a matter of fact, when you get into a | | | | Eng. Muath Daraghmeh is the webmaster of the *Best |
| tough point, don't raise your voice, as dealing with | | | | Rated* Make Money from Home site: |
| difficult people in a calm and permissive way will most | | | | Visit the site to discover a Step-by-step advice for |
| likely keep the emotional level and force the person to | | | | starting your own Internet business in as little as 48 |
| listen to you. | | | | hours! |